Is Unforgiveness Holding You Back?

Unforgiveness is a sneaky thief. It can rob you of peace and health.

Even if you've tucked a painful memory away and told yourself, "That's in the past" — don't assume it's no longer affecting you. Some wounds continue to influence our thoughts, emotions, and health long after we've stopped consciously thinking about them.

Over the years, I've learned that many people pursuing healing eventually find themselves dealing with unresolved hurts. Why? Because unforgiveness can root itself deeply in our souls - our mind, will, and emotions.

Recently, someone asked me two important questions:

• "Why do I have to forgive? I never think about that person anymore."

• "How do I know if I've forgiven?"

Those are great questions.

The answer to the first one is simple: because God tells us to forgive.

The longer I live, the more I realize that God's instructions are always for our benefit even if we don’t know the backstory. Forgiveness is one of those instructions.

Hurt, betrayal, rejection, and trauma can leave deep wounds. When left unresolved, they can silently affect our thoughts, emotions, and relationship with God. Unforgiveness keeps us connected to the person who hurt us and can become an open door the enemy uses in our lives.

Jesus said:

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Matthew 6:14-15

So how do we forgive?

We choose to.

Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a decision. You may never feel like forgiving someone, but forgiveness is an act of obedience—a choice.

That also answers the second question.

How do you know if you've forgiven?

Forgiveness is rarely a one-time event. It is a choice you make whenever the memory resurfaces. Each time it comes to mind, you choose again to release that person to God—to intentionally forgive them. And that choice plays out in your actions. You speak and act in agreement with what you believe in your heart. That is faith.

One thing that helped me tremendously was praying for the person who hurt me. Something I didn’t feel like doing. But in doing that, eventually my feelings began to align with my act of forgiveness.

I know that isn't always easy but there is a reason Jesus told us to pray for those who persecute you—even those we consider our enemies.

Jesus said, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you…”

Matthew 5:44

This behavior Jesus describes is obedience in action—it’s not emotionally led, but faith led. Every person needs Jesus. Every person needs God's help. When we pray for others who have hurt, betrayed or mistreated us, we put our faith into action and begin replacing bitterness with blessing.

Jesus also said: "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses."

Mark 11:25

God gives us a choice:

"I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life..."

Deuteronomy 30:19

Today, choose forgiveness. Choose blessing. Choose obedience. Let God’s Word lead you.

"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Ephesians 4:32

Is there someone who came to mind as you read this?

Don't ignore that gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit. Ask God to help you forgive, even if your feelings haven't caught up yet. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was right. It means you're releasing the burden to God and trusting Him to be the righteous Judge.

As you do, you may discover something beautiful: forgiveness doesn't just free the other person. It frees you.

Standing in faith with you,

JOIN THE MISSION: If you've read my story in: Life, Cancer and God, you've seen firsthand the kind of books we publish—honest, faith-filled messages designed to bring hope, strengthen faith, and help people navigate life's most difficult challenges.

Our mission: messages that change lives.

Many of the books we write contain messages that larger publishers either won't publish or want us to soften, change, or remove. But we believe these truths matter too much to compromise. Our books bring hope, strengthen faith, and help people find answers during some of life's hardest seasons. That is why we choose to self-publish—so these messages can be shared freely, faithfully, and without dilution.

New book, ready for release: One of those uncompromising and powerful messages is ready to touch lives now! Our newest book is filled with information every person should know.

Winning Over Cancer: 10 Facts I Wish I Knew Before Being Diagnosed.  

Find out how you can be one of the first to receive this book. For more information, click the image below